My Child is Addicted to Gaming: A Practical Guide for Melbourne Parents

Your child used to have a range of interests, spent time with the family, and was engaged with school. Now, it seems their entire world has shrunk to the size of a screen. You see their grades slipping, their friendships fading, and their mood souring whenever they're asked to log off. It's a deeply distressing and often infuriating situation, leaving you feeling helpless and wondering what happened to the child you knew.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Internet Gaming Disorder (IGD) is a recognised health condition that is particularly prevalent among adolescents. Their developing brains are uniquely susceptible to the powerful reward loops built into modern games.

This is not a simple case of bad behaviour; it is a complex issue that requires a thoughtful, strategic response, not just more punishment. At Shaw Psychology, our Melbourne clinical psychologists, general psychologists, and counsellors specialise in helping families navigate this challenge. This guide provides a practical roadmap.

It can be heartbreaking to feel unable to break the hold that gaming has on your child.

Is it an Addiction or Just a Hobby?

It's important to distinguish between a passionate hobby and a genuine addiction. The key difference lies in function and consequences. Is gaming a fun, balanced part of a fulfilling, dynamic life? Or has it become the only thing, a tool to escape reality that is causing significant, ongoing negative consequences?

Key Warning Signs in a Child or Teen:

• Loss of interest in almost everything else: They've dropped out of sports teams, stopped seeing friends in person, and abandoned other hobbies.

• Decline in school performance: Grades are dropping, homework isn't being submitted, and they may be skipping or refusing to go to school so they can play games.

• Deception and secrecy: They lie about how much time they're playing, game in secret late at night, or become angry and defensive when you ask them about it.

• Emotional dysregulation: They exhibit intense irritability, anger, or anxiety when they can't play or are asked to stop. Their mood seems entirely dependent on their gaming.

• Neglect of personal hygiene and health: Skipping showers, not sleeping enough, and eating poorly to maximise game time.

Why Yelling and Unplugging the Wi-Fi Doesn't Work

When you're at your wits' end, the instinct is to "lay down the law" – confiscating consoles, taking away the internet, and grounding them indefinitely. While well-intentioned, this approach often backfires. It can lead to explosive arguments, increased secret behaviour, and a complete breakdown of trust, making your child see you as the enemy, not the game.

The goal isn't just to stop the behaviour, but to understand and address the reason for it. For many teens, compulsive gaming is a symptom of underlying issues like social anxiety, depression, loneliness, or a lack of confidence. The game provides a world where they feel competent, successful, and socially connected. Simply taking it away without addressing these root causes leaves a void that can make the problem worse.

A First Step You Can Take Today: The "Curious, Not Furious" Conversation

Before you can solve the problem, you need to understand it from their perspective. This requires shifting from a position of anger to one of concern and curiosity.

1. Schedule a Time: Let your child know you'd like to discuss their gaming and ask them to choose a time that suits them. This shows respect.

2. Express Concern, Not Accusation: Start the conversation with an "I" statement. For example: "I've noticed you've been spending more and more time on the game, and I'm getting worried about you. I'm worried about your sleep and grades, but what I miss most is spending time with you. Can you help me understand what you love about this game so much?"

3. Listen to Understand: Ask curious questions. "What's the objective?" "Tell me about the friends you play with." "What's the achievement you're most proud of in the game?" For 10 minutes, your only job is to listen and learn.

4. Validate, Then State the Problem: Acknowledge what you've heard. "It sounds like you've built something really impressive and have a great team." Then, state the reality. "I can see how important that is. The problem is, its importance is now so big that it's causing real issues for your health and our family, and we need to solve that together."

This approach can disarm their defensiveness and open the door to a collaborative, rather than confrontational, solution.

An example:

Leanne was in a constant battle with her 14-year-old son, Jake, over his gaming. Every day was a fight. After a recommendation from the school counsellor, she tried the "Curious, Not Furious" approach. She sat down with him and just asked about the game. For the first time, Jake didn't yell. He hesitantly started explaining his 'rank' and the friends he played with in Germany. Leanne just listened. After he was done, she said, "That sounds really cool, and I get why you're proud of it. But Jake, the cost is that you're failing Maths and you haven't seen your real-life friends in a month. We have to fix that part." The tone of the conversation had completely changed, he went quiet, and it was the first time Jake actually agreed there was a problem.

(Please note: This is a fictional vignette created for illustrative purposes only.)

Creating a Family Gaming Plan

The ultimate goal is to work towards a formal, written "Gaming Plan" or "Technology Contract" that you create with your child. This moves the dynamic from you being the police to the contract being the authority. This plan should be developed with a professional psychologist, but will often include:

• Clear time limits: Specifying not just the duration (e.g., 2 hours per day), but also the times of day (e.g., not after 9 pm).

• "Earn Your Time" principles: Linking gaming time to the completion of responsibilities (e.g., homework, chores).

• Tech-free zones and times: Such as no phones/consoles in the bedroom overnight and screen-free family dinners.

• Clear, agreed-upon consequences: Outlining what happens if the plan is breached.

The goal isn't just to stop the gaming; it's to rebuild the connection with your child, piece by piece.

Professional Help is a Sign of Strength

Navigating this issue alone is incredibly difficult. Family therapy can provide a neutral space to have these hard conversations, help you and your child understand the underlying issues, and provide you with the tools to create a realistic and effective plan.

Your child may not see the problem, but as the parent, it's your job to see it for them. Taking firm, loving, and strategic action is the best way to help them reconnect with their life.

Contact us today on (03) 9969 2190 to discuss how we can support your child and your family, or book an initial consultation online here: https://bit.ly/bookshawpsychology.