Supporting Your Adult Child with a Gaming Addiction: A Guide for Parents

You raised them to be independent, to build a career, find a partner, and create their own life. But now, you watch from a painful distance as your adult child's world seems to shrink, consumed by a video game. They may be failing university, unable to hold a job, or living an isolated life within your home, all while their potential withers away. It's a unique and devastating form of grief, mixed with frustration, fear, and a profound sense of powerlessness.

Loving an adult child with a gaming addiction is incredibly complex. The parent-child dynamic has changed; you can no longer set rules or enforce consequences in the same way. Your influence has shifted, but it has not disappeared.

At Shaw Psychology, our Melbourne clinical psychologists, general psychologists, and counsellors understand the delicate position you are in. This guide is designed to help you navigate this challenge, focusing on what you can do to support both your child and yourself.

You cannot be the anchor for their life, but you must be the anchor for your own. Your stability is your strength. Your choices about how you respond to their behaviours matter.

The Unique Pain of Watching from the Sidelines

Unlike dealing with an adolescent, your role now is one of influence, not control. This creates a specific set of emotional challenges for parents:

• Powerlessness and Frustration: You see the problem so clearly, but you can't force them to change. This can lead to constant worry and a feeling of being completely stuck.

• Enabling vs. Supporting: You're likely caught in a difficult bind. Do you provide financial support, knowing it might be facilitating the addiction? Or do you cut them off, fearing they might end up on the street?

• Grief and Disappointment: It's painful to watch a virtual world derail the hopes and dreams you had for your child.

• Shame and Isolation: Many parents feel a sense of shame or failure, wondering where they went wrong. This can prevent you from reaching out and getting the support you desperately need.

Shifting from "Fixing" to "Influencing"

The single most important mental shift is to let go of the idea that you can "fix" them. An adult must make their own choice to change. Your power lies in changing the environment and the way you interact with them to encourage that choice. This means you must stop "enabling" the behaviour.

Enabling is any action you take that protects your adult child from the natural consequences of their addiction. It comes from a place of love and fear, but it ultimately allows the addiction to continue thriving.

Common Enabling Behaviours:

• Paying their rent, bills, or debts.

• Making excuses for them to their employer or university.

• Providing them with a "cushy" living situation (free room, board, laundry) with no expectations or responsibilities.

• Avoiding any conversation about the problem to keep the peace.

A First Step You Can Take Today: Identify One Enabling Behaviour

You cannot tackle everything at once. The first step is to identify one—just one—way in which you might be unintentionally propping up the addiction.

1. Reflect and Write: Think about the support you provide your adult child (financial, domestic, emotional).

2. Ask the Hard Question: Ask yourself: "Does this help them live a responsible, independent life, or does it make it easier for them to continue gaming without consequence?"

3. Choose How to Change: Think about how you could change an enabling behaviour that you feel you can realistically implement. It doesn't have to be a big change. It could be as simple as: "I will no longer bring them meals in their room while they are gaming." Or, "I will no longer give them cash for 'petrol' when I suspect it's for in-game purchases or I know they use their own money on the game instead."

4. Plan Your Boundary: Decide how you will communicate this change calmly and firmly. "I love you, and because I love you, I can't keep bringing you dinner in here. I'd love for you to join us at the table at 6:30 pm. We'll be clearing the table at 8:00 pm regardless of whether the meal is eaten or not. I hope you join us."

This is the beginning of re-establishing a healthy, adult-to-adult relationship.

An example:

Robert and Susan were retired and their 28-year-old son, Alex, was living in their granny flat. He'd lost his job six months prior and spent all his time, day and night, playing a competitive online game. They paid for his internet, his food, and his bills, hoping he'd "snap out of it." The tension was unbearable. After a session, they realised their financial support was enabling his addiction. They chose one boundary. They sat down with Alex and said, "We love you and will always give you a home, but we can't keep funding a lifestyle that is hurting you. In 30 days, you will need to start paying for your own internet bill." The conversation was explosive, but it was the first time Alex was forced to connect his gaming with a real-world financial consequence, a crucial step in him eventually seeking help.

(Please note: This is a fictional vignette created for illustrative purposes only.)

Your Well-being is Non-Negotiable

Your life cannot be put on hold while you wait for them to change. In fact, the best way to help them is to model a healthy, fulfilling life yourself.

• Seek Your Own Support: Therapy isn't just for your child. It can provide you with an essential outlet and teach you the skills to cope, set boundaries, and manage your own anxiety and grief.

• Reconnect with Your Own Life: Rediscover your own hobbies, friendships, and interests. Pouring all your energy into your child's problem will only lead to burnout.

• Let Go of Guilt: You did the best you could as a parent. Your adult child's choices are now their own. Releasing yourself from blame is a vital act of self-preservation.

You can't control your adult child's choices, but you have absolute control over your own. Choosing to act differently is where your power lies.

Contact us on (03) 9969 2190 to learn how we can support you on this difficult journey, or book a confidential consultation for yourself here: https://bit.ly/bookshawpsychology.