Supporting Your Child Through an Eating Disorder: A Practical Guide for Melbourne Parents

Discovering that your child may have an eating disorder is one of the most frightening and overwhelming experiences a parent can face. It plunges you into a world of fear, confusion, and helplessness. You may feel guilty, wondering if you did something wrong, or terrified for your child's health and future. Please know that you can help your child, and you are not alone.

Eating disorders are serious, complex psychiatric illnesses, not simply a choice or stubbornness. With prompt, evidence-based treatment, full recovery is possible, and as a parent, you play a powerful and indispensable role in that journey.

At Shaw Psychology, our Melbourne clinical psychologists are committed to working collaboratively with families. This guide is designed to provide practical, expert advice to help you navigate this incredibly challenging time.

As a parent, your love and steadfast support can be the guiding light that helps your child navigate the darkness of an eating disorder.

Recognising the Early Warning Signs

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy. Your child will likely try to hide their behaviours, so it's important to be aware of subtle changes.

Changes Around Food & Eating:

• Skipping meals, making excuses not to eat with the family (e.g., "I already ate at a friend's").

• A sudden and rigid adoption of a "healthy" diet, like cutting out entire food groups (e.g., carbs, fats, sugar).

• Developing obsessive rituals: cutting food into tiny pieces, eating incredibly slowly, and refusing to eat food they haven't prepared themselves.

• Disappearance of large amounts of food, or finding hidden food wrappers.

• Frequent trips to the bathroom immediately after meals.

Changes in Mood & Behaviour:

• Increased social withdrawal, pulling away from friends and activities they once enjoyed.

• Obsessive focus on body weight, shape, and appearance; frequent self-criticism.

• Intense mood swings, irritability, anxiety, or depression, especially around mealtimes.

• A new, rigid, or excessive exercise regime that seems punitive and causes distress if missed.

• Wearing baggy clothes to hide weight loss or changes in body shape.

How to Start the Conversation: A Moment of Connection, Not Confrontation

This is often the hardest step. The goal is to open a door for communication, not to force a confession.

• Plan Ahead: Choose a calm, private moment when you won't be rushed or interrupted.

• Use "I" Statements: Frame your concerns around your own feelings and observations. This is less likely to make your child feel attacked or defensive. We have a guide here.

• Be Specific and Non-Judgmental: Stick to observable behaviours.

Instead of saying: "You're not eating! Are you anorexic?" Try saying: "I've noticed you've been skipping dinner with us lately, and I'm feeling really worried about you. I love you and I want to make sure you're okay."

Instead of saying: "You're exercising way too much." Try saying: "I'm concerned because you seem really distressed and anxious when you have to miss a gym session. I'm wondering what's going on for you."

Be prepared for denial, anger, or for your child to shut down. This is often a function of the illness itself. The important thing is that you have planted a seed of loving concern. Reassure them that you are on their side and will face this together.

Connection and positive experiences can be a powerful tool to motivate change in children.

The Parents' Role in Treatment: You Are a Vital Part of the Team

Seeking professional help is a non-negotiable step. Your journey will typically start with your GP, who can conduct a medical assessment and, if appropriate, develop a treatment plan like an Eating Disorder Plan (EDPT), which provides access to Medicare-rebated sessions with a psychologist and a dietitian.

For children and adolescents, the gold-standard, evidence-based treatment for Anorexia Nervosa is Family-Based Treatment (FBT), also known as the Maudsley Method. In FBT, parents are not seen as the cause of the illness, but as the most vital resource for their child's recovery. You are empowered to take a central, active role in helping your child restore their weight and normalise their eating at home.

For other eating disorders or with older adolescents, therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - Enhanced (CBT-E) are adapted to involve the family, ensuring you are informed, supported, and included in the therapeutic process.

Practical Skills for Parents: How You Can Help at Home

A First Step You Can Take Today: Lowering the Temperature

The eating disorder thrives on conflict and anxiety. Your first job is to try to de-escalate the emotional temperature at home. This means putting all talk about weight, food, and appearance "on hold." No more comments like "You look healthy," "Just eat a little more," or "Are you sure you need that?" Announce this as a family. You can say, "We're going to stop all talk about food and bodies for a while, because it's clearly causing stress. Instead, we are going to focus on getting expert help." This creates a pocket of emotional safety for everyone.

Managing Difficult Mealtimes:

• Be a Calm Anchor: Your child's anxiety will be sky-high. Your role is to be the calm, steady presence in the room. This is incredibly difficult, but your regulated state can help regulate them.

• Provide Support, Not Pressure: Instead of negotiating or pleading, offer quiet, firm support. "I know this is hard. I am here with you, and we will get through it together."

• Use Planned Distraction: After the meal is served, shift the focus. Play a card game, put on some music, or talk about a neutral topic like a TV show or plans for the weekend. The goal is to help them get through the meal without it being a battleground.

Looking After Yourself:

• Seek Your Own Support: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Consider seeking your own therapist or joining a parent support group. Organisations like Eating Disorders Families Australia (EDFA) and The Butterfly Foundation offer invaluable resources for families. We also work collaboratively between clinicians at our clinic and can support your family.

• Present a United Front: It is crucial that you and your partner are on the same page. The eating disorder is an expert at "splitting" parents. Make a pact to discuss disagreements privately and always present a consistent, united front to your child.

• Practice Self-Compassion: You will make mistakes. You will feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Be kind to yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

An Example:

Sarah and Tom from Melbourne noticed their 15-year-old daughter, Lily, had become withdrawn and was making excuses to miss dinner. After finding hidden food wrappers in her room, they knew they had to act. Terrified, they researched online and decided to use the "I" statement approach. Tom sat with Lily and said, "We've noticed you seem really unhappy lately, and we're worried we're losing you. We love you so much and we want to help." Lily cried and denied everything, but the door was open. They saw their GP the next day and were referred to a psychologist skilled in CBT-E. The journey was long and incredibly hard, but by working as a team and learning new skills, they helped Lily find her way back to health.

(Please note: This is a fictional vignette created for illustrative purposes only.)

Your Family Can Heal

Supporting a child with an eating disorder will be one of the most challenging things you ever do, but your love, persistence, and courage are the most powerful tools in their recovery. You don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be present.

Contact us today on (03) 9969 2190 to discuss how we can support your child and your family, or book an initial consultation directly online here: https://bit.ly/bookshawpsychology.