You Are Not Your Thoughts: Using Mindfulness to Manage Intrusive Worries

We all have them – those intrusive, unwanted thoughts that seem to pop into our minds out of nowhere:

"What if I fail?"

"I shouldn't have said that."

"Something terrible is going to happen."

These negative thoughts can range from fleeting worries to harsh self-criticism, and our natural instinct is often to fight against them, suppress them, or get caught up in them. But what if there was another way?

This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness isn't about emptying your mind or stopping thoughts; it's about fundamentally changing your relationship to them. We help clients learn evidence-based skills to find freedom from the struggle with their own minds.

Mindfulness teaches us to see our thoughts like leaves on a stream, acknowledging them as they arise and allowing them to float by without getting swept away.

Why Fighting Your Thoughts Doesn't Work

Imagine being told, "Whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant." Immediately, a pink elephant appears in your mind. I have had some people deny that this happens, that's okay too! Sometimes our mind doesn't follow the same pattern as others, but it's the idea that matters. Choose not to think about a car, a politician, a holiday destination, etc., and usually the experiment works.

The same principle applies to intrusive thoughts. When we actively try to push a thought away, we inadvertently give it more importance and energy. When we argue with it ("No, I'm not a failure!"), we can get tangled in a mental tug-of-war.

Mindfulness offers an alternative. It teaches us to step back and see our thoughts for what they are: just temporary mental events – words, images, and sounds passing through our awareness. They are not absolute truths, and they are not us. This process of creating space between you and your thoughts is what therapists refer to as cognitive defusion.

Practical Mindfulness Skills for Intrusive Thoughts

Here are a few skills, drawn from therapeutic approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), that you can practice.

1. Skill: Labelling Your Thoughts

   • What it is: A simple yet powerful technique to create immediate distance. When you notice a difficult thought, instead of getting caught up in its content, you gently label the process of thinking.

   • How to do it: Preface the thought with the phrase, "I'm having the thought that..." For example, instead of being consumed by "I'm going to mess this up," you mindfully observe, "I'm having the thought that I'm going to mess this up." You can also use simpler labels like "Worrying," "Judging," or just "Thinking."

   • Why it helps: This simple shift in language changes your perspective from being inside the thought to being an observer of the thought.

2. Skill: Leaves on a Stream

   • What it is: A classic ACT visualisation exercise to help you let thoughts come and go without getting stuck on them.

   • How to do it: Close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting comfortably on the bank of a gently flowing stream. Notice the leaves floating by on the water's surface. As each thought enters your mind (a worry, a memory, a judgment), imagine placing it on one of the leaves and simply watch as it floats into view and then drifts away downstream. Do this for each thought, good or bad, without trying to change the stream's pace or get rid of the leaves. Your job is just to sit and watch.

   • Why it helps: It trains the mind to be less reactive and to allow thoughts to pass naturally, reinforcing the idea that you are the observer on the bank, not the thoughts themselves floating by.

3. Skill: The 3-Minute Breathing Space

   • What it is: A short, structured meditation from MBCT, perfect for when you feel overwhelmed. It has three distinct steps:

   • How to do it:

     • Step 1: Acknowledge (1 minute): Gently bring your awareness to your inner experience right now. Ask, "What thoughts are here? What feelings? What body sensations?" Acknowledge them without judgment.

     • Step 2: Gather (1 minute): Gently narrow your focus to the physical sensations of your breath. Notice the feeling of the breath moving in and out of your body. Use this as an anchor to the present moment.

     • Step 3: Expand (1 minute): Widen your awareness from the breath to include your whole body, as if your whole body is breathing. Notice your posture and your facial expression, holding it all in a broader, more spacious awareness.

   • Why it helps: It breaks the cycle of rumination, anchors you in the present moment, and provides a structured way to check in with yourself and reset.

An example:

Eleanor, a graphic designer in Melbourne, struggled with a harsh inner critic. While working on a project, her mind would be flooded with thoughts like, "This isn't good enough," or "They're going to think I'm a fraud." She would typically try to argue back, getting stressed and creatively blocked. In therapy, her psychologist introduced her to mindfulness. When the "I'm a fraud" thought appeared, Eleanor practised labelling it: "Ah, I'm having the 'imposter story' thought again." This small act of noticing, rather than fighting, allowed her to see it as just a familiar old thought pattern, not a fact. It didn't make the thought vanish instantly, but it took away its power, allowing her to gently refocus on her design work.

(Please note: This is a fictional vignette created for illustrative purposes only.)

A New Way of Being

Mindfulness is not a quick fix but a skill that strengthens with practice. By learning to observe your thoughts with gentle curiosity, you can release the exhausting battle within your mind. You learn that while you can't always control which thoughts show up, you can choose not to let them control you.

If you find yourself constantly struggling with intrusive negative thoughts and would like support in developing these skills, our psychologists and counsellors at Shaw Psychology in Melbourne are here to guide you.

Contact us today on (03) 9969 2190, visit our website at www.shawpsychology.com to learn more, or book an initial consultation directly online here: https://bit.ly/bookshawpsychology.